The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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