well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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