if i can run in heels then i can drive
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
