the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
