So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
