I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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