She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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