and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
