My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
