She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
