mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
