I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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