Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
