the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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