I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sext me about skeletons
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
