when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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