So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
