I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
