I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
