i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
