How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
