You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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