It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
