i already hear my dad disowning me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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