when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
