Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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