I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
