I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
