Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
