It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
