I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
