I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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