I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
