does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
