I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
