i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
