i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
