grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
