I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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