...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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