Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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