my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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