I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
