girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
