The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
