you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
