Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
