When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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