Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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