i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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