this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
