Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
