Cold hands, warm shart.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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