my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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