happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
